Posts Tagged ‘lesbian couples therapy’

Same Sex Relationships Problems Derbyshire

In Couples on April 25, 2013 at 10:41 am

Same Sex Relationship Problems Derbyshire

Same sex relationship problems happen as they do all LGBTQ+ and heterosexual relationships. Any personal relationship, no matter what the sexuality of the couple are, can go through some difficult and challenging times. To be part of a relationship means that you have to take on another identity along with the individual identity you joined the relationship with. The new identity is one of being and being seen as a couple. Most individuals take to this easily but for some people it can be a challenging time.

Typical Challenges that can happen in any relationship are :-

1) Communication – somehow or another the couple have stopped talking to each other about the important things in life; emotions, needs, etc. Communication is more about practical aspects of living together. If more personal and emotional aspects are touched on, arguments may arise and it can lead to both parties feeling like they just can’t speak about feelings without it leading to an explosion.

2) Sex – what was acceptable at the beginning of the relationship is not longer acceptable now. Relationships change and love-making needs to get apace with this. If love-making has become routine and formulaic it will become boring and one or both partners may seek other liaisons to satisfy what they are not getting in the relationship

3) Responsibility Agreements – relationships and practical agreements may evolve without any verbalised agreements. One person might be the tidier individual and end up always being the one to clean the house whilst the partner doesn’t do anything to help. Eventually this can lead to problems because one person can feel the efforts are in vain or are not appreciated. Typically a statement that emphasises this issue is “Why is it always me that has to ….. (eg. clean, drive, sort things out etc)”

4) Priorities – relationships settle down and as a couple feel more secure the relationship can start to be taken for granted by one or both people. Rather than keeping the relationship as the most important aspect, it starts to slide down the league table of what’s important and after a while feelings of anger, hurt and resentment start to surface.

5) Differences – as much as being an LGBTQ+ couple is an identity where most decisions are agreed on, if their are differences in taste, opinions or priorities, that become a bigger feature of interaction, and these are not handled with respect and honesty, it can lead to an unhappy and unfulfilling life together

6) Honesty – for any healthy gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer or non-binary relationship, honesty and trust must be present. Lying and leading a secret life will eventually have an impact on the relationship. Someone who is dishonest will have low self esteem because they know they are lying and they can’t hide from themselves. The person who is being deceived will lose faith and trust and will wonder if they can ever feel secure in the relationship again.

7) Finances – when a couple are going through a stressful financial time this can put a strain on the relationship particularly if one person is working and the other is unemployed. Gay and Lesbian relationships can gio through the same issues.

8) Out or In for some gay or lesbian couples, and transgender, questioning or non-binary relationships, one the couple may be out to their friends, family and colleagues and the other partner may not have come out yet. Whilst this situation may have been acceptable at the start of the relationship, after a while there may be some resentment building up. The partner who is out is able to share their network of family and friends openly but have to put up with being referred to as a friend or flat mate when meeting the “not out” partners family or friends.

9) Childhood trauma – occasionally someone’s childhood experiences have left unresolved issues for one of the partners in an LGBTQ+ relationship. Unfortunately those experiences may lead to certain behaviours, urges, patterns that are not healthy for an individual or for the relationship. For example, the fear of rejection can leave a person feeling really needy or on the other hand, make them quite cold and hard, never showing their emotions and never allowing their partner to get close.

10) Religion – one or either of the partners in a same sex, transgender or non-binary relationship may have come from a religious background where their belief still plays a central role in their life. If both partners have strong and yet different religious beliefs, this can be a challenge. However with respect, it is not insurmountable. It is also possible that each partner’s family may use their common beliefs as a way of manipulating the relationship.

11) Parenting – A gay man or lesbian woman may have had a heterosexual partner in the past with whom they have children. This can have an impact on a homosexual relationship as it does at time on a new heterosexual relationship. As with heterosexual couples, a decision may be made about bringing children into the LGBTQ+ family. Discussions can be around whether to adopt, use a semen donor or surrogate mother.  These decisions can also prove challenging.

12) Gender roles – it doesn’t hold today that certain roles are solely for a male or female. Indeed with some people not identifying as male or female but as non-binary, roles and responsibilities are best resolved on a basis other than outdated stereotypes. For example in a heterosexual relationship the biggest earner might be the woman. Likewise in a same-sex relationship it isn’t true that roles are divided between who is more masculine or feminine. There can be a lot of flexibility about roles.

It is fair to say that all relationships have their challenges. Gay men, lesbian women, transgender male to female or female to male, within couples will have extra challenges that can put a strain on their relationship. However with understanding and being prepared to discuss opinions and feelings, it is possible to have a long-lasting loving relationship with whoever you have fallen in love with.

With the advent of civil partnerships and gay marriage, the legal status of gay and lesbian relationships can add a dimension to same-sex relationships that is still in its infancy. Likewise, it is hoped that anyone can marry and have a secure legal status no matter how they recognise themselves in the acronym LGBTQ+


steve03Steven Harold utilises a process called EMSRP (Expressive Meta-Schematic Re-Patterning) to look at your past and current relationships. Your childhood influences affect how you are today and will impact on your personal relationship.

EMSRP uses hypnosis, coaching, NLP and life, to help you feel more empowered and get the healthy relationship you deserve. So many people who identify as LGBTQ+, have had numerous experiences of non-acceptance, rejection, abuse and isolation, that it can be difficult to be your true self in your relationship.

Steve Harold, (Hypnotherapist Derby, Heanor Derbyshire)  uses EMSRP to help you return to being the authentic and natural you. You can be a strong confident and powerful gay man, lesbian woman, transgender man or woman or non-binary person. Once you accept yourself you are more likely to be accepted by others.

Want to have a chat about how Steve could help you? Call him on 01773 436796 or email on gaytherapist@hypnosisderbyshire.com